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What is the secret to a long and happy relationship?
How can you prevent your relationship from going sour?
Why is marriage sometimes so tough?
Relationships can become tough when we don’t truly listen to each other, when we fail to listen with our hearts, and when we misunderstand what is being communicated. Relationships will go sour if we lose the capacity to heal our relationship as we go… When our negative experiences outweigh our positive experiences…
For every negative experience we encounter in our relationship we need 5 positive experiences to keep the balance in our favour. If the balance between our positive and negative experiences is misaligned we experience feelings of discomfort, we will become unhappy. How is your Balance Card looking?
We can help you learn to heal your relationship
Dr. John Gottman (1) calls the destructive behaviours that lead to the negative experiences “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” These are:
- Criticism: stating one’s complaints as a defect in one’s partner’s personality, i.e., giving the partner negative trait attributions. Example: “You always talk about yourself. You are so selfish.”
- Contempt: statements that come from a relative position of superiority. Contempt is the greatest predictor of divorce and must be eliminated. Example: “You’re an idiot.”
- Defensiveness: self-protection in the form of righteous indignation or innocent victim-hood. Defensiveness wards off a perceived attack. Example: “It’s not my fault that we’re always late; it’s your fault.”
- Stonewalling: emotional withdrawal from interaction. Example: The listener does not give the speaker the usual nonverbal signals that the listener is “tracking” the speaker.
According to Dr Gottman’s research in “the Love Lab” These Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” predict early divorcing – an average of 5.6 years after the wedding. Emotional withdrawal and anger predict later divorcing – an average of 16.2 years after the wedding. Changing those negative behaviours that predict divorce to more positive behaviours that predict success can significantly change the course of your relationship and make it better.
The secret to longevity in a relationship is Repair Skills, the capacity to heal your relationship through the art of reaching out, knowing how to make things better, apology, soothing… As mentioned above, when it comes to relationships it is crucial that for every negative experience you have 5 positive experiences to balance life. We can help and support you in changing negative behaviours into more positive ones.
But that is not all! We can help in many other ways as well.
We have male and female therapists available and our rate is $170 for a 1hr session.
Why don’t you contact us now to arrange an appointment to discuss your specific needs on: email@example.com or M: 0402 126 212
(1) http://www.gottman.com (online September 2012)